Honestly Ok
by elfgirl43
Summary: Set between series 3 and 4. Becker, trying to deal with the loss of the team, reluctantly receives help from an old friend. The 2nd One-shot in the No Angel series. You don't have to have read the first.


**Author's Note:** Go me! Second story in the No Angel series ready to post. I had some trouble with the tone of this one. I wrote it at a time when I was stressed and upset. Now going back to do the editing 6 months later it was a bit hard to get back into the right mind set. Hope ot turned out ok. Btw, the order in which I am posting these stories is completely arbitrary. Once I am all done I might reorder them chronologically or based on character. For anyone who is reading this after Here with Me expecting an Abby/Connor I'm sorry to disappoint but be assured the next two in line for me to work on are Abby/Connor.

Disclaimer: Not mine, not making any money. You know the drill.

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><p><em>"I just want to feel safe in my own skin<em>  
><em> I just want to be happy again<em>_" Honestly Ok by Dido_

Honestly Ok

Becker sat in the dimly lit bar as he chugged the last of his beer. It was bitter going down. The the taste and feel of it made him nauseous. The group sitting at the table around him broke out into an uproar of laughter. Becker forced his lips to turn up into a smile as he glanced once again at his watch. He had only met his friends at the bar a little over an hour ago but it felt like eons. He had done his best to force the proper responses on to his face. He rose abruptly from a table. He couldn't stay there anymore not when everyone was smiling. He could think of more than a few people who should be there smiling too. But they weren't, because he failed. Becker was not aware what excuse he gave before hurrying away from the boisterous table. He didn't notice the concerned looks that were exchanged behind his back as he fled. He had just reached the sidewalk when he heard the call.

"Oi, Becker!" On instinct he turned at the sound of his name. Jack. Becker sighed; he had been hoping to avoid this. He had been turning down invites of his old friends for months now. He'd only agreed to come that night because he knew that one more missed outing would earn him some unwanted scrutiny. Of course now standing there looking at Jack's concerned face he realized that the fallacy in his logic. He should've known that Jack of all people would not be fooled by his forced grins. He should've realized that he would be completely transparent to Jack, whom he had known since childhood. Becker cursed himself for turning and thought for a moment that he ought to just continue on. That moment of indecision was all Jack needed to jog up to his side.

"Why don't you let me give you a ride home?" Jack said draping an arm over Becker shoulder.

"I've only had one beer." Becker argued. It was useless. He knew Jack wouldn't let things lie.

"Well, I didn't even have one so I have you beat." Jack said he and his cheerful but firm tone told Becker he would book no opposition. He steered Becker towards his car. Becker sighed yet again. He knew Jack meant well but Becker didn't want to talk. Jack may have been a soldier too but he couldn't understand. He had not seen the things Becker had seen. He didn't know the horrors of the future predators. He hadn't walked by the empty offices or heard Sarah's bloodcurdling scream as it chocked off into nothing. He hardly noticed as Jack manhandled him into the car, his thoughts a mile , or is the case maybe, centuries away. He was vaguely aware when the car started but it took a few moments to realize that the car wasn't moving. It wasn't until he met Jack's gaze that the silence in the car was broken.

"Talk to me." Jack's statement was gentle, firm and full of authority just like Jack. Becker shook his head. Jack frowned.

"You can talk to me, you know that." Jack insisted.

"I'm fine; I don't need to talk "Becker shot back a little listlessly.

"You're not fine. Talk to me." Jack pushed.

"I can't" Becker responded shifting his gaze out the passenger side window.

"Why not? You always talk to me." Becker was already shaking his head before Jack could finish his sentence.

"Why?" Jack demanded again this time a note of annoyance in his tone.

"You wouldn't understand."Becker replied morosely. Becker thought he ought to be frustrated that the car wasn't moving, that Jack wouldn't drop it but he was too tired to care.

"I've seen my share mate. I know what it's like in combat. I've lost people" Jack said grimly.

"Not like this. Not… these people" Becker lamented he glanced back at his friend. Jack gazed searchingly at him for a few moments. Becker wondered what Jack was seeing as he examined his face.

Jack finally shifted the car out of park and slipped into traffic. The car was quiet for a time and when Becker glanced back he noticed a frown on Jack's face, his brow furrowed in frustration. He knew Jack was trying to make sense of his words, his behavior. Becker knew he never would. Domestic assignments were generally cushy babysitting jobs. All of his military friends outside the ARC teased him about it. That is what Becker had been expecting right up to his first day there. Jack had no way of guessing what his job had truly entailed.

"What can I do?" The car had been quiet for so long that Becker started slightly at Jack's voice. He shook his head again, he wished he knew. It was Jack's turn to sigh. Becker truly examined the scenery out the window for the first time in the car ride and frowned in confusion.

"This isn't the way to my flat" Becker said, glancing at Jack suspiciously.

"I know, you're coming to my house with me. Molly and the kids will be glad to see you." The familiar stubborn set of Jack's jaw was back. It was the same one that he'd seen right outside the bar before Jack shoved him in the car.

"I'm not…I won't do anything rash if that's what you're thinking." Becker said testily, finally feeling the annoyance that he knew he should've been feeling all along as it seeped through the numbness and exhaustion. A sharp glare was Jack's only response though what exactly Jack meant by it was beyond Becker. The car lapsed into silence again. Becker returned to watching the monotonous streets blur past. The journey was nearing its end when Jack finally spoke again

"Adrian has been wanting to see you. He wants to show you the science fair project he was so proud of." Jack's face was unreadable as he spoke. "He'll be glad to see you" Jack repeated. Becker did not respond as the car was parked or as he followed Jack into his home. There was nothing to say. Becker would just have to grin and bear it as he tried to keep moving forward.

_"On a different day if I was safe in my own skin_  
><em> then I wouldn't feel so lost and so frightened<em>  
><em> But this is today and I'm lost in my own skin<em>  
><em> And I'm so lonely I don't even want to be with myself anymore" Honestly Ok by Dido<em>


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